WE ARE NOT OK
Craig J. Sefa
First, my apologies to any English teachers out there. I know the word “okay-ness” is not OK. Nevertheless, this “not OK” word reflects the “not OK” reality we live in.
Describing the holiday season of 2019, Dan Rather shared the following on Facebook…
It seems familiar, but the backdrop is not. Friends and family travel and gather. There are cold wars between warring factions who share the same last name…
Walking amidst the jostle of busy shopping streets, with overcoat wrapped tight against the cold, I can feel the nervousness beneath the mirth…
- Dan Rather, December 21, 2019…
Last week we acknowledged the cloud that seems to loom over us even when we try to live out our normal ordinary lives in peace. It is a cloud of fear, of despair, of anger, of blame, of hatred and of outrage. Even in our best attempts to go on with life-as-usual, this cloud reminds us that we are not OK.
It’s like having a great time on vacation and coming back to realize the sky in all your photos looks gloomy because it never stopped raining. The rain may not have stopped you from enjoying the trip, but it likely had a significant impact on your plans and your mood while you were there, even if you tried not to notice.
In the past, such clouds moved in during seasons of great tragedy or turmoil, and then life would go back to normal. Wars and conflicts came and went. The stock market rose and fell and rose again. So-called leaders would fight out their opinions in campaign rallies and debates, the people would vote, and then we would all go home for a nice family dinner and that would be the end of it.
Not anymore…
The language of violence, hate and fear permeate every level of our public conversation.
We cannot avoid it. We cannot tune it out. We cannot pretend it is OK.
If, as children, we had used the kind of insulting and degrading language flowing out of our highest public offices today, our parents and grandparents would have washed out mouths out with soap. (For those under 35 or 40, yes, that was a real thing). Now we consider such language normal. Racially charged insults have moved from the margins of low-bar comedy to the height of political discourse. Degrading the poor or disabled is no longer frowned upon. The so—called “locker-room talk” teenage boys were supposed to outgrow as they learned to respect women has now become a normal part of the workplace and the media…
“Not all those who wander are lost”
- J.R.R. Tolkien
When I move to a new town, one of the first things I love to do is try to get lost. I generally spend a couple of days driving a few hours in every direction, learning how roads connect, circling back on myself, recognizing familiar landmarks, and enjoying the landscape. One of my favorite experiences doing this happened near Wilmore, KY shortly after moving there for seminary in 2006. I set out south toward Harrodsburg, across the Kentucky River and through the beautiful Palisades and then turned off on a few back roads. Unlike other places, I had lived, I found that Kentucky roads do not always follow compass directions. You may start heading south and end up going Northeast on the same road without realizing it. A few hours later I found myself in the familiar town of Nicholasville, less than 15 minutes from home. When I arrived I told my wife I found a new route to Wal-mart that takes about 2 hours and crosses the Kentucky River 5 times. Needless to say, the next time we went to Wal-mart, she drove.
In a world so driven by productivity and getting directly from one place to another or one thing to another, the joy of wandering is lost…
Here we are a month into 2020 and everyone is still talking about clear vision. Personally, I think the metaphor has worn a bit thin. Rather than jumping on the “20/20 Vision” bandwagon on New Years, I held off this particular reflection to give us time to lament our “Not-okay-ness.” We cannot expect to find a clear path forward if we don’t know where we are. As we come together in this “not-OK” place and learn to wander together toward hope, seeking clear vision becomes a common goal.
There’s only one problem with this whole idea of “clear vision”… It’s all an illusion…
… World history is the story of an endless sibling rivalry in which we all want to be the favorite child.
This is not our place. Power in this world, even economic and political power, is an illusion. It is temporary and comes at a tremendous cost. Jesus tells us that those who seek to save their lives will lose them. The more we try to gain or hold onto control, the more harm we do to others and to ourselves. Some have said that most of the evil in the world Is the result of religion. Indeed, the most brutal wars in history and even in our own day are rooted in religious ideology. It is not, I believe, religion itself which stirs up so much violence, but rather our misuse of religion for the sake of worldly gain and power.
While we fight over who is closest to God, God draws closer those we want to keep the furthest away.
While we fight for power, God continues to favor the powerless.
While we fight over who is the most “right”, God keeps loving those we think are “wrong.”
If there is any hope for our future, we must let go of our craving for power. We must stop trying to climb the ladders of the empire…
It’s not easy to end a series like this when the crisis of our “not-OK” reality continues on around us indefinitely. It’s not easy to hope, to wander together in this wilderness, to see others around us as companions on the journey instead of threats, to “fumble with love” as we trip over the meaning and intentions of our own words, or to move ladders that we have been afraid to move for so long.
No matter how much we fear war, it seems we fear peace more…
It’s been awhile…
At the beginning of 2020, I wrote a blog series entitled “We Are Not OK”, addressing the cloud of darkness and hatred that seemed to loom over our nation as we transitioned into this new decade. After Lent, I took a break because life was turned upside down by the Pandemic, in which I had to figure out how to shift my entire ministry online while simultaneously attempting in vain to help my kindergartner do school from home and continue my own doctoral work online. At the same time, we are in a season of transition as I am moving to a new church as of July 1. With all of that, regular blogging simply fell off the top of my priority list.
So why am I breaking this season of silence now? Because, friends, we are STILL NOT OK! We never were. Honestly, I’m tired of pretending we were. I am doing what I can to listen to my brothers and sisters of color and educate myself more deeply on the systemic / structural racism that is so deeply embedded throughout our nation’s history. I know this is only a small start, but I want to offer my personal confession of a particular instance of privilege that hit me hard this week…
Here we sit on the 8th day of Christmas and most of the world has moved on. Our calendar tells us that a more immediate holiday has arrived… New Years Day, 2020.
Yes, it’s a new year. Yes, it’s even a new decade.
We have resolutions to make and break. We have houses to clean. We have bank accounts to reconcile and credit cards to pay after Christmas. We have decorations to put away, assuming they have not already found their way into our basements and attics. And by now, school can’t start soon enough for most parents…