It’s Complicated
Kingdom Relationships - Part 2
Sunday, September 13, 2020
Matthew 18:21-35
Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22
Can you imagine having to forgive the same person 7 times? What happened to the old “3 strikes and you’re out” rule? For some, even 3 is too many. We have another saying about trusting people that says, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” In other words, we will give someone the benefit of the doubt the first time, but once they hurt us, we’re done. Given how quickly we are willing to turn against or at the very least avoid those who hurt us, Peter’s question to Jesus seems more than reasonable.
OK Jesus, I’m supposed to give them three chances. Just to show how loving I am, I’ll forgive them twice as many times and then I’ll even throw in one more for good measure. But after seven, who could possibly be expected to keep forgiving? At this point it is more than obvious that they are simply not going to change. How can I keep forgiving when they are not even repentant?
“Not seven times, Peter,” Jesus says, “but seventy times seven.”
Ugh. Now I not only have to forgive, but you expect me to do math to. How am I supposed to keep track of 490 times for every person who sins against me?
The truth is I don’t think Jesus is trying to test Peter’s math skills or his ability to keep track of 490 instances of sin. The real issue here is that Jesus is telling us to stop keeping track at all. It’s not our job to keep record of people’s sins. God is not going to ask for a tally of how many times we’ve been hurt or how many times we’ve chosen to forgive. Jesus simply says… forgive.
Just in case we think this sounds extreme, remember that favorite passage we hear at weddings from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians 13:5 we read, “Love keeps no record of wrongs.”
If we put this into real life, it’s not really as extreme as it sounds. Think about your marriage or maybe your relationship with your parents or your children. How does it feel when someone you love constantly reminds you of some fault from your past. How often do fights about a minor issue end up turning into a laundry list of every time the other person has made us angry to the point where we no longer remember what we were fighting about in the first place? The truth is, relationships simply do not work when we hold a grudge. Without forgiveness, there is no second or third chance, let alone a 7th or a 490th. So long as we hold something over someone’s head or someone holds our faults over ours, there is simply no way to move forward in the relationship.
Of course, no one said forgiveness is easy. We also must remember that forgiveness does not erase the consequences of sin, nor does it excuse continued abuse or harm. Too often we turn forgiveness into a weapon, expecting those who are oppressed by abusive people or unjust systems to simply let it go while they continue to suffer. This is not the point of forgiveness. Consequences are real and God is always a God of justice. Sin cannot be allowed to run rampant in our lives or in our world.
The problem with refusing to forgive has nothing to do with justice or consequences for the person who has hurt us. Rather, it has everything to do with refusing to do continued harm to ourselves. As Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.” “Forgiveness, “ he says,” liberates the soul.” It’s not about letting it go and pretending no harm was done. It’s about courageously breaking the chains of anger and bitterness and not allowing them to control our lives.
We hold grudges because we want to hurt the one who hurt us. In the end, we only hurt ourselves. If they are truly repentant, our unwillingness to forgive stands as barrier to a reconciled relationship. If they are unrepentant, they are probably not too concerned with whether we forgive them or not. Either way, our resentment only eats us alive inside. God doesn’t call us to forgive to let people off the hook or excuse their sin. He invites us to live in a spirit of forgiveness and grace, refusing to keep a tally of wrongs, and instead being free to love unconditionally as God has first loved us.
Listen to this week’s sermon here:
Video of the complete worship service available at http://asburyumc-huntersville.com/live